I am up in the middle of the night because I could not sleep. Why? Because God told me to get up!! I laid in my bed singing the same praise and worship song in my head for 3 hours trying to fall asleep :o) I just love God and how he works!
I am so excited! I just don't want this day to end. I think that is the real reason that I can't sleep. We had our second week of our bible study Esther this morning. Wow. That is the only word that I can think of to describe how I feel about it!!! Participating in a study has always been great for me, but actually leading one… God has taken it (and me) to "anutha" level with him because of a mustard seed!!
I just keep thinking why me? How could he have called me?? I am not smart. I am a WRECK talking in front of people. I even passed out during my speech in speech class… just to give you some idea. Doesn't God know this?? Surely he has forgotten. NO. NO NO NO. HE has not. He has called each and every one of us daily. He does not forget you or your past. I think that was such a valid point made in today's session. "You can not amputate your history from your destiny." No. No you can not. God knows you. He knows you are a mess. He knows about all the dishes in your sink, and all the clothes in your dryer that have been there for 2 days because you just don't feel like folding them (don't even play like I am the only one… :o) He knows your thoughts.
It is so amazing to see God work. It's amazing to see others receive revelation from him!! It's amazing when he talks to you personally, but really, it's amazing to see him talking to others. Sometimes it's almost as if we convince our self somewhere along the way that he only talks to us (personally). I heard it put "it's as if he becomes our imaginary friend". How true is that?? One of my very, very favorite praise and worship songs by Addison Road says, "I've made you promises a thousand times. I try to hear from heaven, but I talk the whole time. I think I made you too small….." Oooh. Gives me chill bumps just thinking about it. That song, and those words really speak into my life so personally.
Have to ever been in a conversation with someone who just talked forever and never let you get a word in? Think about how God feels. He's got a WHOLE bunch of folks that do that to him on a second to second basis. At what point will we stop talking and start listening. I have to constantly remind myself of James 4:8 "Draw near to Him, and He will draw near to you." And drawing near does not entail me dominating the conversation.
How many times have I wanted and needed desperately to hear from God. Then I go and pray and talk and talk. I become too "busy" to wait for his answer, there's not "enough time". Or, to be completely honest, I just don't want to hear what he has to say about it, because I have already made up my mind what "me, myself and I" want to do about it. More times we go to God looking for approval for our own plan than actually seeking HIS plan (aka: His will for you).
Why do we keep trying to trick God? Why do we keep making excuses to him and convincing ourselves that the "little sins" in our life are ok? We all have them. In fact, it's the "little sins" that are truly the hardest ones to get rid of. They are not ok, and we know because out holy spirit is telling us that they are not ok. Thank God that he has blessed me with his presence 24 hours a day or there is no telling what kind of a mess I would have gotten myself in!! I need him!! ALL the time. I need him to tell me right from wrong. Just like my five year old daughter does to me, I push and push the boundries until I get a smack on the hand letting me know that enough is enough. I AM DESPERATE FOR THAT HAND SMACK!! I need it like Oscar the grouch needs trash!! (inside joke :o)
I know that I have drifted off my original subject… but God has dragged me out of my bed and lead my fingers on these keys tonight, so I know that someone out there somewhere needed to hear these words tonight. Praise God. I will boast in Christ alone. Those will be my last words.
